...so i touched it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
