the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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