would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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