dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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