I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
