Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
