I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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