The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
