No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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