Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
