just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
