I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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