Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
