I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
