he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
