some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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