You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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