i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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