god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
