coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
