Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
