What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
