The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize