my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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