I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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