Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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