After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
