So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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