Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
