sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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