i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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