You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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