this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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