what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
