I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
