so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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