I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
