if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
