So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
