I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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