I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
