If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
