did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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