your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
