i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
