I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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