I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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