i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
