we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
