I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone came in the potted fern
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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