He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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