Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize