I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
