My balls are so social today.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize