Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
