the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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