Is it because I queefed?
The best revenge is premature balding
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
