I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
