just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
