I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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