shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
