Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
