If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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