12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
