I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
