you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
