You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize