dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
