i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
