Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
